Tuesday, 18 April 2017

From the Drafts... January 2017

This does not feel like a fresh start, I am not looking forward with ideas and hope and excitement to the next 12 months for quite possibly the first time in my, admittedly short, life.

It's not that I enjoyed 2016, it has been a year that will be recalled with a shudder for plenty of the people who survived it and mine was no different. But all the things I've lost I'm not ready to let go of.

I've had epiphanies about the things I was working towards, both in my career and my personal life, and previous goals no longer apply.

Nothing is wasted, I don't have regrets about working towards those things because they were what I wanted, I've still benefitted from those lessons I learnt and those opportunities they presented.

This time last year I had a job that let me see another narrow corner of the world, a job I shouldn't have gone back to while I was dealing with the turmoil of loss- and because of that it's a job I can't go back to.

I cannot escape the fact that last year my dad died (I feel a bit like a broken record mentioning it again, but it happened and I'm still dealing with it and not talking about it doesn't make it any less of a factor for me) every day and year that passes takes me further away from the last time I hugged him.

(At that point I gave up because I started crying again and couldn't see the keyboard, so I saved the post and meant to return to it early than this.)