Saturday, 11 July 2015

Starting Over

My last post was about bad decisions and indecision, finding out that a dream job was in fact no such thing. That was really hard for me to come to terms with, a lot of which was to do with the fact I still thought I'd be good at the job itself and would still have an absolute ball of a time doing it. I had gone into training with the company who have an international reputation as one of the best tour operators for young people, a reputation for a training scheme that was tough but turned out some of the best tour managers in the industry. So to get onto that training scheme and be told I was lying about my dyslexia, being made to feel ashamed of the fact I have a disability and can't do some things, such as write quickly and legibly on a moving coach while sitting next to a rugby player, was so disheartening. If this is what the self-proclaimed best were like, maybe I'd been totally wrong and this industry was not for me.

I left and didn't have a job to go to, cue existential crisis. I'd spent almost a year deciding to train to be a trip manager, the trainers constantly told us how lucky we were to be there, how marvellous the job would be if we could just show we were good enough. I didn't complete training, therefore I wasn't good enough to be counted amoungst the top. My knowledge, my personality, my skillset, my determination. All of them were found wanting, apparently. 

The turning point was realising that being the self-proclaimed best means nothing. Being the best means nothing if you get there by savaging people. I didn't want to work for a company that thought it's training managers telling girls they dressed like sluts was appropriate, I didn't want to work for a company were we were told we had to participate in dangerous and illegal activities. I'd had been totally taken in by the cool kid at the party, the one who smokes and drinks and offers you advice- like telling you how much prettier you'd be if you lost a stone then shows you how to make yourself throw up. I'd wanted so desperately for them to like me I'd allowed their opinion of me to over shadow my own self esteem. So I set to work looking for a new job, one with a company I wanted to invest my time and energy with.

Around the time I was giving up on my determination to only apply for "proper jobs" and fill in that Primark application, I was forwarded an email from a friend who worked as a tour guide for a company I'd heard of but didn't for an instance think I could have worked for. This company cater exclusively to the over 50s and offer high end holidays, certainly none of the student budget friendly options with camping and bed bug ridden hostels which I'd prepared myself for previously.

The advert was for an administrative position on a cruise ship, river cruising on the Rhine for a month while the regular administrator was on holiday. I jumped on it. Even if it was only for a month, it would be experience and it would be a paid work for a month- where I didn't have to impose on my parents. I sent my CV in and got a phone call almost instantly checking that I understood the commitment, I'd be living on the ship, surrounded by passengers and unable to escape. 

Yes, that's all fine. 

I was left on tenterhooks for three days while they waited to see if anybody already on the books wanted the job. No one else came forward so I had a telephone interview and was sent a background check form to fill in and contract to sign.

Within the week I was flying out to Cologne to meet the ship and no real idea of what I'd find when I got there. That was almost a month ago now and I've got the hang of it enough that I think I can add blogging back into the juggling act. 

Joy xx

1 comment:

  1. Great post! glad you managed to secure a good job, gives hope to the rest of us who just graduated and are desperate to land any proper job.

    www.esttrill.co.uk

    ReplyDelete