Thursday, 8 May 2014

The Perks of Being Long Distance

Train tickets everywhere, a classic symptom of long distance relationships.
The current Mr Harpy and I have been courting for very nearly nigh on four years, mostly whilst he's been working hard in Sheffield training to become a useful member of society and I've been in Glasgow reading books and drinking hot chocolate. It has been hell, I hate long distance relationships, I really really do. Anybody who's wondering about whether or not it's worth the heart ache of separation, no it's not, find a new beau and be happy, life's too damn short.*

But as our respective graduations approach so does the day when we can finally (potentially) share a postcode, whoot! It has dawned on me that there might be a few things I think I might miss and that there could be some benefits to long distance relationships...

No one steals the blankets
Personally, I run cold and like to be toasty. I like a heavy quilt and three blankets, a cloud of pillows and maybe a hot water bottle. I do not like drafts or tug of war competitions in the middle of the night when somebody (*cough*He knows who he is*cough*) tries to stop me cocooning myself like an un-erupted butterfly.

No consideration
When I go shopping if I decide I only want to eat pasta and cheese sauce for a week then that's all I need to buy. I consider a baked sweet potato served with butter, paprika and a touch of cinnamon a meal in itself; when I passed this recipe onto my most favoured minion he looked at me like I'd just tried to explain how dogs turds make a delightful garnish for fruit salad. Having separate kitchens 200 miles apart lessens the bickering over what to eat and eliminates the conversation of whose turn is it to wash up.

Sexy is relative
Skype is very useful for keeping in touch, certainly an improvement on the postal service of yesteryear if only because it saves me trying to make hand writing legible to humans, and while webcams have certainly improved over the years it is still damn near impossible to tell whether or not I've shaved my legs in the past week month. This is a double blessing because when you do finally see each other you're both just SO DAMN HAPPY the last thing on anybodies mind is that irritating strip on the back of your left calf that you always miss.

Not only does it mean he doesn't realise what a slob I am because so long as keep the periphery of my webcam clear he can't see it, Skype also means I can win all the arguments (my definition of win: have the last word) If someone consistently tries to disagree with you, hang up on them! You get all the satisfaction of turning on your heel and slamming a door behind you but none of the pissed off neighbours. BONUS! Weekly face mask time, or just generally having a crap face day? Don't turn the webcam on! remark how strange it is that it's stopped working, tap your keyboard, maybe even hang up so you can "try calling again" He'll never suspect a thing...

Have you ever been in an LDR? (oo-er, check me and my trendy acronyms out) Is there anything you really miss? Are postcode sharing relationships really that much better?

*If you were honestly going to take my advice on anything then it was never going to work out.


  1. I've done long distance for a very short while and found it was rather rubbish; although you're right about the missed-shaving parts not mattering in the slightest when you do get to see each other (which is definitely one of the best bits). I'm the duvet and blanket stealer in my relationship so can't speak for that part; but I'm sure my boyfriend wishes he could spend a whole night under a duvet once in a while :p xxx

    1. They are rubbish, aren't they? Unfortunately since I posted this a couple of things have fallen through and it looks as though we'll be continuing the long distance thing for a little while. At least we get to keep our blankets to ourselves for now.

  2. As a fellow weegie I'm gutted I just found your blog as you're moving! Nooooo