Tuesday, 12 November 2013

November greys

I hate the winter.
I hate the cold.
I hate the dark.

That is not in any way conducive to living a happy life in Glasgow, where in November there are on average only eight hours of daylight. Not even the good hours of daylight, where it’s all sunshine and blue skies and crispy leaves underfoot, November in Glasgow involves a lot of grey.

It’s very easy to want to hibernate, but of course that is a Catch-22, if you stay inside all the time the world grows smaller, until it seems as though the walls of your own bedroom are as far away as South America. Every year the same thing happens, it starts getting dark- staying dark- my alarm goes off in the morning I think it’s malfunctioning. I can’t admit to myself it’s that dark outside and in time to get up.

So I don’t. I pull the covers up I roll over and the stay in bed where it is warm, where I can dream about sunny days. It is the easiest thing in the world for me to stay in bed. I know that’s no way to live and a tumbler is not a replacement for friendship. I know that doing things is infinitely more enjoyable than not doing anything. I know toast is not a meal when it is all you eat for five days. I know I could be happier, but I don’t care.

I know this will pass. I know that in a few short months the days will be longer, the skies will be blue again and I will be happy. Every year it myself at the next one will be different, that this is the last November I will waste drowning in depression.

Who knows, maybe next year will be the year it comes true.

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